Neville is a man who’s always liked his sport, especially rugby, cricket, golf, watching and playing, and afterwards enjoying a beer in the club with friends. 

Married for 40 years, it was his wife who took on most of their home needs, including the cooking, laundry and cleaning, so it was a big change three years ago for him when his wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, the most common form of dementia. 

“I’ve had to learn a lot of things,” said Neville, who’s 67. “I didn’t cook at all. My wife did all the meals. I’ve learnt a lot. Time saving is key so the air fryer helps, and when organised, the slow cooker. It’s not fine cuisine but we eat. You learn as you go along!” 

Figures from Carers UK estimate that 42% of carers are male. Neville is sharing his story because he’d like to encourage more male carers to come forward and utilise the free services offered by Devon Carers.  

“Last year, I requested a Carers Assessment which looked at my needs in my caring role and what support Devon Carers could give me. It helped me a lot, and I appreciated the way in which my inner thoughts were able to be opened up and considered. I was lucky enough to be supported to take a break which enabled me to take some time away to watch four days of cricket. It was much needed, appreciated and enjoyed. Our sons helped enable it.” 

“Devon Carers also recommended that I join one of their Peer Support groups, which I did! When you are a carer and you join one of their groups you realise everyone being cared for is uniquely different, and as carers we’re all doing our best. It’s sad because you wish you didn’t have to be a carer and at times I feel frustrated, but it’s not my wife, it’s her condition and just showing her love and care gets us through the tough times.” 

“To all the male carers reading this, I’d recommend they try one of the Peer Support groups.” 

“As men we think we can do it all ourselves, but being part of a group doesn’t change what needs to be done, but the support and understanding does help take the pressure off. The group is so helpful, it’s an opportunity to chat with others who have the same issues, worries and concerns, we share and support each other.”  

“The biggest, and hardest, and most significant step for me when I became a carer was that I accepted the situation as it was and realised that I need help too.” 

“I’m not able to participate in sport as much as I would like to, but I still try to meet with my friends socially at least once a week. None of them are carers and they’re not able to provide the kind of understanding and support I get from the group, but I enjoy being able to play a half round of golf, or pop to the club to meet them. They’re understanding but in a different way, we have a drink, and we talk about cricket or whatever, then they say Neville ‘it’s time you went home’ and I do, back to being a carer.”